'Time heals everything',  a sentence repeated every now and then.

Baba Thamb na re Tu..Baba Zavunako dur

Just opened a blank white sheet  from my Microsoft word. The blankness symbolizing my current state of life.

Life has always been so rosy! School, education, my first job, my marriage, my kids and last but not the least the immense love around me. Lot of Ups and Down’s, lot of struggle, but yet there was always a shoulder..broad and strong to support me in everything I did. Those eyes which had a profound trust and confidence which gave me that zeal to win over anything. Those tears, which came out easily at every important occasion of mine . that sense of happiness when I bagged a good rank in my higher degree, that proud moment for him when I got my first job and that tear that rolled down when he first heard about the love of my life and that extreme happiness in my marriage……Suddenly vanished!! It was all gone! I lost him.. and this time lost him forever. My father was gone . He left to a place from where I can never get him back.

It’s a month baba that I have seen you, heard your voice !  I know I can never ever see you. My mind understands that but my heart still screams out, I want you back in my life for holding me in pain, I need you to love me and my kids, I want  you to taste my food and relish that for yet another time, Please come back!!! I’m missing all the fights we had. Missing that care ,which I’m sure can never get from anybody in life.

Aai ekti padli majhi! I do not have the habit of seeing her idle. I always saw aai doing something for you. She now sits alone all day. Always lost in some deep thoughts. You have left such big void space in her life which no book can fill. She tells me that you don’t even come in her dreams…

Shaan has become very responsible, he is a big boy now Baba! Younger to me but malach sambhaltho! It’s like time has pulled out all the cheerfulness from him. He rarely smiles now.majha lahan lekru gharcha motha jahalay atha. He cleans his bike and cars all by himself. Household goshthi sagle karayla shiklay.But he sagla bagayla tumhi nahiyet zawal baba!

You always had a complain that I don’t come home very frequently. You always wanted me to stay with you for few days. This time I stayed baba ..like you said for 14 days but you were nowhere. I called you so many times to sit with me. And this time, mind you I had lot of time…I still have lot of time to listen to you, to understand your pain that you went through, the pain when your soul was leaving your body. But I could hear only silence.

Life does not stop when you lose a person. But building memories with that beloved person do stop!!. I got back to my routine without you , chikoo goes to school, bittu  and titu play with their toys and aai still sends me things home but the only difference is …this is all WITHOUT YOU!!

My favourite pastime has now become surfing the internet on things like  ‘do souls really exists?’ , Can they see us even after their death – all this just to have one glimpse of you.

The day when shaan got your photo, we all cried a lot. our heart sank when the thought that we can see you only in Photographs now flashed. There is a grave look in the house ..things are still left at the place where you last saw them. The other day , opened the cupboard where we maintained all your medicines, they still smell you. I can still smell you there Baba! Syndopa, nervofit and god knows what all!!!

It’s 1 month that you passed, slowly steadily it will be months and then years… we may not cry the same everyday..but the blankness in our hearts with out you around will always be there! You might have taken a birth again somewhere but our BABA will be alive within us always and forever. I will never forget you baba but yes one thing is sure..Things would have been different, if you were here.

Just wish you read this letter by some means and understand how much we miss and love you !